I am a mess

Honestly, after the awesome last week, I have been doing simply horribly. How the hell can I stop binging? I am trying so bad, but every thought about stopping the binge just provokes it further on and it is spinning out of control so badly.

I have been watching a lot of movies and sticking thinspirational pictures all over my appartment. When my cousin is going to return, she will freak out. Honestly. Because out master bathroom mirror and the central mirror of the living room are densely covered on the sides with pictures of alternative models and such.

On the other hand, while trying to rid myself of jet another binge, I also managed to make a complete list of rewards for weight goals.
Now the point is, I can get the reward ONLY if I manage to keep the exact weight or below for a week. Even 100 grams over and no deal. So here is the list:

77.5 kg - manicure
75.0 kg - 2 more ear piercings
72.5 kg - massage
70.0 kg - navel piercing
67.5 kg - new platform boots
65.0 kg - trip to England
62.5 kg - a back of the neck tattoo
60.0 kg - custom made corset

Also I got to know that He is planning to come here again for a weekend sometime in the end of February. We are actually planning to go to the Combichrist concert together on 22nd. I have waited for that concert forever. Totally couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that they are coming to Latvia. Want to see them so bad. I'll probably use my heavy weight size (not as heavy by then I hope) and platform boots to kick my way to the front. Because I love being in the front line in the concerts for the bands I love. I remember that in Das Ich concert I even got to sing a part of the song in the microphone. That one was epic. Loved it so much.

Anyway. I want to do some exercises to burn off at least a tiny bit of what I have eaten in the last week. I am such a mess.