Friday, 31 December 2010

New day

So the first day has passed perfectly. No slip up's, more sleep then usual (not specifically enough, but more).

As I already stated, a large part of my yesterdays weight was the binge result. So fasting for a day took care of that. Today the scale showed a much more beautiful number - 77.3 kg. I know that this probably is not going to last until next morning, but I'll try my best not to lose the self-control I actually have today. Might be a challenge though.

The good thing is that I am going to choose what I want for dinner myself. Hopefully there is going to be something low fat, tasty looking in the shop.

Thursday, 30 December 2010

So much water

Water is my friend. I've been drinking so much today and I love it. I have always loved the taste of water. Ever since I was a little kid. And it helps me to keep my cravings at bay.

Yes, I do feel a bit hungry. I know that. That is logical, since all day it has been just water and tea. Of course my body is demanding some solid food. However, that will not happen till tomorrows diner. I mean, it is New Year's eve tomorrow and I will be with my family and we will have a festive meal.

I am planning to make something with a lot of vegetables and fruits and as little calories as possible. The year goes in the way we start it. I'll have to be super careful with my food. I want to start my year on the right track. I have to slim down and be beautiful again - not the fat girl.

I really have to study. There is so much that I have to do and so little time. And I am really tired and want to sleep too. But whatever. Do what I have to do and then sleep. I can deal with that.

Hunting beauty

You might ask, what the hell is the reason why some random person makes jet another random self-centered blog. The answer is - yes, I am that vain that I want to talk about me more then I do at the moment. I want to be more beautiful then I am now. I want to look into the mirror and see someone perfect. Someone that I would fall in love with. Someone who wouldn't have the extra weight. I need motivation to perfect my body.

So the thing is - I am 23 years old, turning 24 in July, I am 79 kg and my goal weight is 65 kg. Meaning I have almost 15 kg to lose. As for the time limits - I want to be thin and beautiful before summer. And I don't care how I'll manage that. I'll do whatever it takes obviously, since I have decided to make my journey relatively public. As public as a random blog online is.

What I intend to do, is limit my food intake as much as possible and never go over approximately 800 kcal pro day. I am tired to wake up in the morning after a binge eating episode and feel worse than from alcohol poisoning. I want to be free from the horrible hold that food has on me. I have to do it, for it is going to be the only way that I can feel good about myself. And make my parents happy. And maybe, someday, I'll start believing that someone could be attracted to me momentarily because I would be gorgeous. For at the moment... I just can't see that happening. Even though I am pretty, there is the extra weigt distorting my body. It is like looking at my reflection in distorted mirror. I remember myself as I used to be - slim and beautiful. I remember that person looking back at me from my bathroom mirror. But now - there is this stranger, who has some resemblence to her, but is so much less attractive. I can't take that any more. And I purely wish that this is going to be the last time I have to try to lose weight.

So - I begin my journey at this:

Weight - 79.4 kg
Height - 171 cm

Underbust - 83 cm
Waist - 80.5 cm
Lower waist - 95 cm
Hips - 106 cm
Thighs - 62 cm
Arms - 28.5 cm

The wight will be measured daily. As for the other measurements - those will be updated every Monday. So the next measuring will take place already in the New Year on 3rd of January.

As for my goal weight - I don't intend to lose it all momentarily. I am planning to make small goals for myself. The first one is to reach 75 kg till January the 15th. 4 kg to lose in 17 days. Sounds legit to me. Especially since I am assured that some deal of the weigth I have at the moment came from binge eating episeodes I have been having all week. Getting myself back on track should bring me back to 75 kg successfully enough.

Today I am going to fast. Actually I am intending to do fasting rather regularly. And that should help me out with the food obsession. Just get myself in control.

Probably will update later on today with how it is going. Or maybe tomorrow in the morning. I would want to go to bed at a decent time today. Not the 3 - 4 am I have been practicing lately. It doesn't let me get enough sleep and I am too tired to do anything in the morning. I have get back to exercising. Otherwise I can practically feel my muscles weakening.