It is funny

It is so funny when a person that you know for eight years suddenly tells you that they have been in love with you all the time. Just too self-conscious to say anything. And the fact is that I have also been too shy to say anything to him. And last night it all gushed out over some (ok, ok. a lot of) beer and champagne. And it sort of creeped me out to hear that. But in a good way.

I mean with him I can be me. Hundred percent me. With all of my insanity and borderlines and depression and manias and obsessions and laughing at things that normal people don't consider funny, but highly disturbing. And I can do that, since I know he is just as anti-social, obsessive and crazy as I. And that is good. I don't need to change what I am for him.

And I am sort of high at the moment, since kissing him was so strangely satisfying. Like I would be with my own mirror image (no, not creepy at all). Except my mirror image sort of changed gender xD And I am rambling, but that is how my thoughts are spinning in my head right now.

And I want to be better. I want to be more beautiful for him, since I want to say thank you for loving me, despite the fact that I am not as skinny any more as I used to be in high school. And I want to get back to that now more then ever.

I want to be gorgeous the next time he sees me. And god knows when is that going to be, since he is going to UK on Friday to study. But that will probably give me at least till Easter to perfect my image. And that probably sounds funny from a person who has been living on sugar based products for the last few days. Maybe this is sugar high? Or still alcohol high? Or just high on the surreal situation? Probably the last. Because I stopped expecting good things from life. And now something good happens and I am terrified that I'll wake up and it will still be yesterday morning and nothing has happened. And we'll just sit with our beers and watch some movies and laugh at strange things. And there will be no confessions. No nothing like that. And life will be completely average again.

I want to see him again even though he left just three hours ago. I want to hold on to him and really feel that I am not dreaming. Just some sort of real proof that it is not just my imagination going berserk. Just proove to myself that I am not completely crazy jet.