Monday, 28 February 2011

Ok. It will be ok.

Here I go again with my emotional rollercoster thing. After that miserable post yesterday, I have some sort of high today. This happens to me all the time.

Firstly I have to start by thanking you wonderful girls for the support. I really needed that. I am so glad to have you all.
Thank whatever deity there is, my migrene has passed. The thing is, I have been having periodic migrenes since I was 3, so I am having my 20 year migrene anniversary xD Sort of.
My parents don't know how often I have these horrible ones, when I feel like Iwould need to smash my head against walls or something. Because I normally have had them only later in the evening when I can lie and just crawl down to my apartment and take them on by myself.
And of course I don't want to go to a doctor, since there have been three cases when I was hospitalized with stomack failure due to drug overdose. I wanted to die so badly that I just overdosed pain-killers.
A therapist that I used to go to said that I need serious help and drugs and that she won't work with me, because she doesn't want to have such a responsibility. But,of course, this is me and I don't want any help. I might be in a fucked up emotional place, but I deal with it myself. That is how I have always done it.

Anyhow. That was just a short insight into my mind.

But today I am in a better place then what I used to be all last week. I am downloading some cartoons for me to elevate my mood. The future seems promissing for now.
It even seems that promissing that I really considered trying to take on ABC xD Which would be an epic fail soon enough, since I will have to go to a sushi bar with my cousins some time this week and He is returning from UK on Saturday morning :3 This point makes me very happy. I just hope that I can be good till then and look as good as possible when He arrives.

Today I have had:

Breakfast (73 kcal): Right Balance probiotic drink.
Lunch (385 kcal): Several salami slices, a kiwi fruit, and a pumpkin seed cookie.
Dinner (34 kcal): Tomato, cucumber and radish salad with vinegar.

Total of 492 kcal.
Stupid salami is so heavy and calorie rich. Damn. And I estimate the cookie at around 100 kcal. Overall, not bad. Just could have been better and more healthy.

Exercise wise, I have really lazied up. Can't get my butt off the couch. Should at least do something. I'll try.

I hope that you are all doing well, darlings.
Sending you skinnies and all of my love!


  1. I can relate, I hate the ups and downs. I feel like I have more than one person to control from one day to another inside my head. I can't imagine how horrible those migraines are. Glad to see your feeling better today.
    Stay Strong!

  2. Ups and downs are natural in life... :( sadly!! But I hope there are more ups for you than downs!!!

    Great intake today! <3 stay strong... <3

    I'm sorry about the migranes - :(

  3. If you ever change your mind, one of the popular preventative migraine medications doubles as an antidepressant, Elavil (amitriptyline). It's an SNRI instead of the commonly prescribed SSRI's that turn people into zombies and flatten their thinking, mild side effects, and too low a dosage to be a reasonable self-harm option. You could still be yourself, just on slightly more stable ground. Besides, migraines suck!