The last 3 days have been a horrible emotional rollercoaster for me. I apparently have gotten some sort of a stomack flu, which makes me feel horrible and act discusting towards eveyone, because I feel like shit. However, it apparently doesn't curb my apetite which kicks in spontaneously interchanged with moments of severe hatred against food.
I have been eating and feeling like shit all the time. And that stomack flu absolutely doesn't make me happy. And I was probably the most disturbing customer in a shop the day before yesterday's morning, while I literally cried buying the junk that I knew I am going to eat and lose all of my progress. But I couldn't do anything about it.
And I am horrible. I am so disappointed with myself that I am falling rapidly back into my depression. I am bitching about everthing and experiencing anger issues when I just want to be destructive and break things. On the other hand I don't have power to even get up. And no motivation at all either since I have fucking stomack cramps. Either my period is coming or what.
Yesterday I spent all day reading "Pride and Prejudice", which I finished too. Watched 3 different movies - "How to lose friends and alienate people", "Rosemary's Baby" and also "Pride and Prejudice" because I wanted to see how accurately they have treated the story. Honestly, I think that I was just looking for a reason to bitch some more. Managed to knit a pair of pink mittens for my cousin's daughter though. I just hope that they fit. I feel like knitting, quite honestly. But I don't know what. I could knit scarves, but I have no idea what I'd do with them afterwards. And furthermore, I feel so giulty about not doing things that I actually DO NEED to do. I am just procrastinating and wasting time. I am such a waste of space.
Fuck this. I am even sorry that I am writing this shit of an entry. It is so useless and depressive.
I really hope that you are all doing way better then me.
Stay strong girls. It can't stay this bad forever. I am just tring to believe that myself.