Today is a celebratory day. I have reached 71.8kg and that means that I have entered normal BMI zone. How amazing is that? I absolutely can't believe it. Honestly, I cried this morning when I saw this number. My goals suddenly feel realistic and possible. It is not like I am just fighting my weight with no results. I am so happy. So unbelievably happy.
Fatsecret.com threw a warning that I am losing weight too fast. I actually feel so proud when I get it. Like it is something that would prove that I am losing more than just the scale. 'Warning! You are losing weight at a very fast rate!' Just confirming that those really are my numbers make me proud. Do you get that too? That feeling that you are doing really well just because someone is trying to warn you about it? Probably do. I guess that it is just natural.
I do fear that I might break down though. That is a constant thought in the back of my mind. That I will get too comfortable and start sinning here and there with food and it will come back. I do worry about it. I really never want to go back to what I was. How miserable I am in my relationship with food. I don't know how it will go once I actually do reach my goal weight. Where do I go from there? Can I maintain or is it just going to be a constant struggle where I will go up and then will have to battle it all down again? I hope that it is not going to be like that. I really hope that my body will finally get used to eating healthily and I will start eating to live not the other way around. All I can do is hope that it will be so and that three months of being Vegan will teach me how to rationalize my food intake.
I think that I will be trying to stay mainly vegan after the three months are done. But I think that I will also have occasional snacks of non-vegan variety. Just because I don't believe that it is good to deny my body something that it craves very badly. Like this week I was craving potatoes and having some was good and I even beat my mini goal of 72.5. My new one is 70, of course. That big target, which will mean that I will be back to the weight that I was in when I was in the period of 17-19 years. I really can't wait. I want to be down to 65. Just to know that I will have done something really spectacular and gone back to my weight when I was 15-16 years old. I rally want that.
Just to feel beautiful again.