Friday ramblings

So yesterday was my under 500 kcal day. I was really hoping too see some downwards movement in my weight. However, all I got was 100 g off, so I am 69.4 kg. I know that I shouldn't feel disappointed about this number. It is already an amazing result that I am under 70kg in under two months. But I just really would wish to have the number go down faster. It is a stupid wish, but there is nothing that I can do about it. It is just my miserable wish to have my own body back not this one, which is fat and unhealthy. I don't want to feel ashamed when I look in the mirror. I know that I did this to myself. I was the one who got my body this horribly out of shape.

On a positive note, I tried on a dress that was too small for me and it fits like a glove now. There are even some places on it that I would have wanted to be a bit tighter. That was really nice. I just kind of wish that I would have an occasion to put it on. Otherwise I can wear it at home and that is not really the best idea since it is a really nice dress. I would really need to go to a theater or something along the lines.

I am really happy that it is a Friday though. I feel so tired lately that I don't know what to do with myself. Also woke up tonight at 2:30 am with a complete certainty that I have to get up. Actually did get up and crawled off to the bathroom. Afterwards looked at the clock and crawled back into the bed and under the blanket. I suppose that I should not drink a liter of liquid right before going to bed. It throws off my body and makes me wake up in the middle of the night all disoriented and all.

I am thinking that I might invite two friends over tomorrow evening for a vegan meal. One of them is a meateater and his girlfriend is vegetarian, so I don't think that they are really used to completely vegan stuff. Well, that would be a change in their diet as well and I don't think that it is such a bad thing. It is quite nice to try out something new every now and then. And why not try something that is healthy and delicious at the same time.

Andy is coming back only on the night from Sunday to Monday. I am disappointed of course, because I thought that I will be able to have him for myself for half of Sunday. This is probably another proof why assumptions are bad. You get pretty disappointed, if they come out wrong. So I kind of dread the weekend alone. Don't know what to do really. I know that I will find stuff. I could just as well play videogames all day through. After all I haven't had a chance to do that much since I am too ashamed to play while Andy is home. He is not super awesome at them, but he is way better than I am, so I generally don't play much. I don't even know why, because he really supports my attempts to play. It is just my stupid mentality that makes me ashamed of stuff, if I am not bloody brilliant at it at the first go. Probably should start reconsidering it and working on it, because I can't just avoid doing stuff, because I think that I suck at it. Like that I will never get better at anything.

I am thinking that I will postpone singing a bit more. I still have some of my nasty cough, so I don't want to do some damage by being a bit too eager to start again. Even though I am pretty pressed for time. Have just until the end of July to get myself in a pretty good level so that I would have a chance in hell to enter the academy even in the group that has to pay for themselves.

Anyway, I think that this is all.

Take care and have a great weekend.


Becca: Thank you for the encouraging words. I always am arguing that people are not made for running. At least I most certainly am not. Hopefully I will get better though if I start doing it regularly.